Hidden Feelings
by Destielidk
Summary: Dean's left alone with his thoughts, and when Sam comes back, he brings up something Dean doesn't want to talk about. His feelings for Castiel. That's when he calls Cas over to talk, but it doesn't end up in talking. - okay i suck at descriptions so deal with that one xD


So, hey. This is a Destiel one-shot I wrote and it sucks idk? but oh well.. .-.

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Dean was sitting in front of his computer, slightly bored, as he researched the local lore, and the history of the city him and Sam were in. He yawned, leaning back in his chair, stretching. This wasn't his job. Sam was the one who always did the research. Which reminded him, where is he? Dean hadn't seen him in the cheap motel room since they bought the room. Did he say where he was going? Dean tried to remember if he had, but nothing came to mind.

Deciding to ditch his research, Dean shut his laptop, and looked around the small room, eyes searching for the mini-fridge. The walls were a light yellow color, there was a sink, a small bathroom, the table he was sitting at, and two small beds in the room. He grinned to himself, standing up to walk over to the small fridge. He opened it and peered inside, taking out a beer. He shut the door, and opened his drink. He put the bottle to his lips and tilted his head back, letting the liquid go down his throat. He set the bottle down on the table. He then plopped down on his bed, laying his head on the pillow, and bringing his hands up behind his head.

Dean stared at the ceiling, letting his thoughts wonder to Castiel, which he really hadn't intended to think about Cas. He remembered the last time he saw him, Cas's dark hair was messy, and his trench coat was covered in mud. Dean chuckled to himself, realizing Castiel always got filthy after fighting demons. Speaking of the last time he saw Cas, he realized it was months ago. He wondered if Cas was okay. Why hadn't he checked on Sam and Dean yet? Is something wrong with him?

A sigh escaped Dean's mouth, and he tried to get Cas off his mind. But he couldn't forget how much he liked seeing him, and how much he missed him. Dean liked the way his hair always looked messy, and how his beautiful, blue eyes went together perfectly with his cute dark-colored hair. Wait, beautiful? And cute? Dean shook his head, letting the thought leave his mind. Aside from that, Dean found himself smiling as he was thinking of Castiel. He realized he wanted to see him again, and soon. But he couldn't, not right now, not in the middle of a hunt for some ghost.

Maybe that's where Sam had went. Maybe he went to go talk to the victim of the supernatural activity. It was funny, how each and every person who witnessed the weird activity thought they were crazy. If only they knew the truth, Dean thought, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.  
Dean then slowed his breathing and closed his eyes, trying to get to sleep. He tried turning on his side, to get more comfortable, but that wasn't anymore comfortable than laying on his back. He moved to his other side, and then he moved to his stomach. He moved all around the bed, trying to find a comfortable spot, but he couldn't.

He moved back to his previous position, on his back, hands behind his head.

Dean groaned in frustration, realizing that it wasn't the bed that was uncomfortable, his thoughts were the things bothering him, not the stupid bed. But why, he wondered. Maybe because he said Cas's eyes were beautiful. And maybe because he also said Cas's hair was cute. Not that the thoughts were wrong. But Dean thought they were, though he knew he thought they were true, he just couldn't admit it to anyone, not even himself. Cas was a guy, and so was he. And Dean? He was straight.

Or are you? An annoying voice in his head questioned, as Dean sighed, yet again, in frustration, tugging at his hair.

Why was today so annoying for Dean? He wished he could sleep, he really wished he could sleep. He wanted to get his mind off Castiel, but the angel just kept coming back. Dean wanted to go out for a drive in him car, but Sam had it, where ever he had went.  
For some odd, unknown reason, Dean didn't want to think of Sam. He wanted to think of Castiel, even though the thoughts for causing the most confusing frustration he's ever experienced. He didn't want to think of Castiel, but he did at the same time. More so, he didn't want to think of Castiel in the way he's been thinking about him. Dean was straight, right?

A few things made him question it, though. Like, the way he felt around Cas, safe, protected, happy. The way he was thinking of Cas right now, and even a few times before, too. The thoughts always came and went, and he had ignored them because he was always talking with Sam, and he usually distracted Dean enough to stop thinking of Cas.

But now, here Dean was, laying in his bed, alone with his thoughts, ready to rip his hair out from his confusion.

Dean liked Castiel, he really did. But he liked him as a friend, or a family member. But that didn't stop his annoying thoughts about him. No, not annoying. Confusing thoughts. Dean didn't think of the thoughts annoying, nothing about Cas was annoying, except for the fact that he was an angel. Confusing because he had called Castiel's hair cute, and his eyes beautiful, and Dean wouldn't have thought it if he hadn't meant it.  
Sighing, Dean got out of bed, and grabbed his beer that he had abandon earlier, and chugged the rest down, hoping the alcohol would stop his current train of thought. One bottle if beer wasn't enough to get Dean intoxicated, having going to the bar almost every night, and drinking all the liquor or alcohol he could take.

Dean was going to go for another one, but Sam walked in holding a bag from a convenient store. He set the bag down on the coffee table, and then turn his attention to Dean.

"Did you search the local lore?" He asked.

Dean shook his head, indicating he hadn't. He wished he would have just finished the research. Maybe then he wouldn't be thinking of Castiel.  
Sam sighed, "Why?"

Dean simply shrugged, "I got bored, and tired, and no I didn't get any sleep."

Sam gave Dean a look, a sympathetic look, his eyes were soft. The look he usually gave Dean when they were about to have a deep conversation about something, and Dean hated that look. He tried to force down a groan, but it slipped out of his mouth anyways.

"Dean," Sam said, "you're my brother, and you know you can tell me anything, right?"  
Dean nodded, not really wanting to talk about what he was thinking with Sam. How awkward would that be, telling your brother what you'd thought about Cas?

"And," he continued, in a soft voice, "I don't care what you think of certain people."

Dean took in a sharp breath. What was Sam talking about?

Maybe you do know what he's talking about, the annoying voice in his head came back. Castiel.

Dean shook his head, trying to get rid of the voice.

"What?" Dean asked in a rough voice.

"Dean, I think you know what I'm talking about." Sam said. "Castiel?"

Dean shook his head, wishing he could just stop talking on the subject, it wasn't helping him at all. "He's only a friend, Sammy." Dean felt wrong saying friend, like the word wasn't enough to describe his feelings for Castiel. Trying to rid the thought Dean said, "Like a brother." Once again, Dean, annoyingly, got the same feeling, like the word wasn't enough, and he sighed.

"Look, Sam, I don't know what you're trying to say." Dean said.

But you do. The stupid voice told Dean.

He was really getting tired of it. Why couldn't Dean just ignore it? Why did it annoy him so much? Because Dean knew the voice was telling the truth.

"You don't have to." Sam still had the same look on his face, and Dean wished he would stop looking at him like that. It was starting to get more annoying that the voice. "Just know you can tell me anything, no matter how much you want to deny it."

How was Sam saying all this? It was like he could read Dean's mind. It's like Sam knew how he's been thinking of Castiel, and how much he wanted to deny that he was thinking that way. It was like Sam knew how Dean felt about Cas, when he didn't himself.

"What do you think, Sam?" Dean asked.

Sam met Dean's gaze, and shrugged. "I can't answer that for you," he said, "only you can." Then he turned, and walked into the bathroom. Dean heard the water turn on, Sam was taking a shower.

Dean sighed, and say on the edge of his bed, and rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands, thinking of a short prayer to get Castiel to come, "Look, Cas, I need you right now. I need to talk to you about something, it's a little personal." Dean brought his head up, and Cas was standing in front him.

"What's wrong, Dean?" He asked and looked down at him.

Dean looked up, meeting his gaze, staring into his blue eyes.

"I'm just confused right now," Dean said, and unwillingly added, "about you."

Dean looked Castiel up and down, without meaning to. His hair was messy as usual, his blue eyes staring down at Dean with worry, and he was wearing his normal clothes, white shirt, blue tie, tanish trench coat, and black pants. If Dean were attracted to Cas, he would say he looked surprisingly hot, but he wasn't, Cas was only a friend, a brother. Same feeling.

You feel more than that, and you know you do. Same annoying voice, but Dean chose to ignore it, now that Cas was here, standing right in front of him.

"Wh-?" Whatever Castiel was about to say was cut off because something had come over Dean (realization, maybe?), and he grabbed Castiel's coat, pulling him down, crashing his lips to Cas's. Dean's eyes fluttered shut, as he put everything he could into the kiss, all the passion and love (and maybe even lust?) he felt for Castiel, all the hidden feelings, all the want, and all the need for him. When Dean said he had needed Castiel, he was speaking full truth. He needed Castiel's presence, his touch. Castiel's lip were soft, and tasted like apple pie, which was weird, because Castiel didn't eat. But Dean didn't mind it much, he liked pie, he liked the taste of his lips, and he liked the way they felt against his. It was amazing, the kiss, and Dean smiled, before deepening it. After a moment, he admitted four small words to Castiel, and more so to himself, "I love you, Cas," before pressing his lips back to Castiel's, without waiting for a reply.

Right now, he didn't need a reply, he just needed Castiel, and the amazing feeling that was going through him. He put his hands on Cas's shoulder's, bring him closer, and Dean felt Cas put his hands on Dean's hips. Dean smiled wider, and after pulling away for the second time, he tried to catch his breath, and stared into Cas's eyes. Castiel's beautiful blue eyes, and Dean didn't feel wrong about saying beautiful anymore, because it was true. And, in fact, his messy hair is cute, too, Dean thought. Then, Castiel said something that made Dean feel like his life was complete, and he didn't know what could make him happier. "I love you, too, Dean." And this time, Castiel kissed Dean first, and Dean kissed back, still smiling at hearing the words back.

Castiel completed Dean, he'd noticed. The way he would always get happier once Cas appeared, even when he invaded his personal space. Dean always had found it adorable, he realized. Whenever Cas wasn't around, Dean desperately wished for him to show up randomly, like he did so many times before. And when he and Castiel fought, Dean had instantly regretted it. He could never stay mad at Cas too long, it would be torture to himself.

Aside from that, Dean was glad to finally admit it, he had kept in for God knows how long. Maybe ever since Cas had saved him from Hell? It hadnt been bothering him, he realized. The only thing that was bothering him was the fact that he hadn't admitted it sooner. What was holding him back from it, anyway? Maybe the fact that he was afraid Castiel would reject him. But deep down, Dean knew he wouldn't. Thinking back, he knew it was obvious that Castiel felt the same, and Dean also made it obvious that he loved him, he just couldn't admit to himself, for the obvious reason of rejection.

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Yeah... first thing on here.. Review please? ;n;


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